I feel like a starving dog that's been pushed into a corner and it's getting harder to hide in this tiny room. It's one of those days where the air is sweet hot and smells sweet with decomposition I haven't worked since Sunday and it hit me today that without a dramatic change to my work schedule I'm not going to be even eligible for health insurance. Now, without even the prospect of health insurance, I find myself thinking about what's going to strike first: The constant looming infection in the back of my mouth from the wisdom tooth that is surfacing, The dull pain that lurks in the realm of my left kindney, the fact that the water in my house isn't potable, or, the newest addition, the muscle spasms in the top of my ribcage. Is this another point in my life where everything keeps flinging shit in my face like a perpetual machine or everything pops at once and puts me in a hospital bed? Life has become a series of choices with no positive answer. It's sickening and unfortunately funny. When I used to see a wounded animal, insect, or bird; There was a level of perseverance and respect attached with trudging forth. Now it instills the question "What's Next?" I've tried to be an optimist but there is less and less to be positive about. For example, If you are making a shit stew, I refuse to get excited because there are chunks of beef in it. I can't afford to eat. Next person who tries to put a positive spin on that is getting put on their back.
It shouldn't be like this. It's supposed to be tough but conquerable.
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